On the positive side of marital bliss, totally unrelated to the recent split of NBA superstar Kobe Bryant — Britney Spears, onetime teen icon and recent pop marionette is now engaged.
You might’ve remembered the last times she got engaged, which went smashingly. First to childhood friend Jason Alexander, in a marriage that lasted about 72 hours, then to Kevin ‘Bacon Bits’ Federline who managed to release one terrible rap album and haunt the collective consciousness for years after making off with a lot of her money because she was too incompetent to raise her own kids. Now, with her estate being controlled by her father, and her words being controlled heavily by her own management team, it is the perfect time for her to be married to some kind of male figure that will be able to guide her career.
That man is Jason Trawick, who proposed to Britney this week. I would say that he’s fulfilling every man’s fantasy, marrying off Britney Spears, but this is no longer 2001. Good for them, though. I think of any name Brit-Brit could muster with her southern drawl, Trawick is probably the one that’ll sound the best when echoing off ceilings during the bouts of fighting over pie.