Congratulations, world. You brought this on yourself by paying attention to the Transformers. You empowered Hasbro past the point of selling toys — they also need to sell movies to sell their toys. The Battleship trailer has leaked.
Battleship. The game that gets boring if you play it for over 30 minutes has been stretched out into a two hour movie, from which a two minute trailer has been culled. The game is brought to you by the toy conglomerate Hasbro — the movie by dante’s seventh circle for movie writers that deserve a quartering. A hanging and quartering.
The movie stars Rihanna, Taylor Kitsch, and Liam Neeson. I would rather watch that cast do anything other BE in a movie. If I were to run into Rihanna, Taylor Kitsch, Liam Neeson, and a group of aliens just sitting around in a cafe, having a conversation about the weather — I’d pay the price of four movie tickets to see that. Not running around trying to convince us they’re really invested in a movie like Battleship — nobody cares. Nobody.
The movie will be hitting theaters next year, accompanied by the gentle sounds of a horseman’s cape and the hoofs of their steeds.
Official synopsis?
Peter Berg (Hancock) produces and directs Battleship, an epic action-adventure that unfolds across the seas, in the skies and over land as our planet fights for survival against a superior force. Based on Hasbro’s classic naval combat game, Battleship stars Taylor Kitsch as Lt. Alex Hopper, a Naval officer assigned to the USS John Paul Jones; Brooklyn Decker as Sam Shane, a physical therapist and Hopper’s fiancee; Alexander Skarsgard as Hopper’s older brother, Stone, Commanding Officer of the USS Sampson; Rihanna as Petty Officer Raikes, Hopper’s crewmate and a weapons specialist on the USS John Paul Jones; and international superstar Liam Neeson as Hopper and Stone’s superior (and Sam’s father), Admiral Shane.
Rated ARG for pirates, f&ck you.
