Transformers Isn’t Doing So Hot

By Mark Lorenz on June 30th, 2011

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You might’ve read the reviews saying, ‘Transformers 3 is the best in the series.’ And I’m here to tell you whoever said that is probably trying to sell you a ticket to Transformers 3.

Because what. The everloving. Hell. I saw it opening night, and the plot is ridiculous and not at all cohesive – no amount of effects can cover that up. Several times during the screening I was at, the crowd laughed out loud at the impossibility of Shia LaBeouf surviving the predicaments that he managed to get himself into. As in, he should’ve been dead at a minimum of 200 times, his head cleaved in two, his entrails thrown about like a pancake in a pancake catching contest. Also, there are a bunch of shots at Megan Fox – which is pretty tasteless considering that the new girl they brought in acts like she’s made entirely from second-hand cedar.

But the first day on opening, Transformers 3 managed to net in about 37.3 million dollars, placing is sixth on the all-time earnings list – about 30 million dollars behind Revenge of the Fallen. So maybe if they hadn’t trashed Megan Fox for some blonde nobody, it could’ve been the HIGHEST GROSSING MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

What a world that would’ve been. Thankfully, even though the new installment will kill overseas – it’ll kill less domestically.