Anthony Weiner Resigns

By James Sheldon on June 16th, 2011

No more free Weiner.

This Weiner no longer belongs to the people.

This Weiner stands at a precipice.

I think this poor Weiner needs a hug.

Such a sad looking Weiner.

This Weiner is hanging his head in shame.

Weiner and his boys are moving out.

Time for this Weiner to crawl into a dark hole.

This Weiner was probed by the House.

Who can fill a Weiner’s vacancy?

If you see Mr. Weiner, give him a forgiving pat on the back.

No matter how hard he tries, a Weiner can never lie.

He was Nancy Pelosi’s favorite Weiner.

This Weiner was just a little too spicy.

America enjoyed Weiner for 12 great years.

Don’t know if you heard, but Anthony Weiner resigned today–after attempting to spin a web of deceit to cover his idiocy. I’m always curious if people would play it straight–if they’d just come right out and call it like it is–would they immediately gain some unexpected support?

Had Weiner stated, “Yeah, I’ve got issues with fornication and adultery,” he might have been able to spin it toward a positive. But then. Who am I kidding? Myself? I do feel sympathy for the dude. Clearly, he has some personal issues that he understands need addressing. Just a shame he went public with it.

The thing about most high-ranking government officials is that they think they possess a unique exclusivity that makes them irreplaceable in their position of power. Sorry, ladies and gents, you’re just as replaceable in a professional realm as the rest of us. Get over yourselves. Get some therapy. Serve the people without being of the Massengill or Summer’s Eve variety, and we’ll love you for it. Maybe even name a street after you in your hometown someday.