You might’ve thought that citizens the world over welcomed the heartwarming story of two trashy-hot tourists who stumble on an impossibly rich doctor’s house and wind up sowed together to an Asian who kills himself. While pooping in each other’s mouths. But not EVERYBODY looks forward to that.
Especially Britain. After the Human Centipede made the rounds in hipster households by people enamored with the concept of people bondaged together — the movie was a surprise hit, easily grossing back and recouping what it cost to be put out in the first place. Which is the first step to getting a sequel made. The second step to getting a sequel made? Making enough people blanch at your vision that it gets banned.
The new human centipede has a paper-thin plot — a man gets so sexually obsessed with watching the first DVD of the movie (in-movie product placement? GENIUS.) that he decides the recreate the plot. First, stop right there. Do you know the type of man who’d get sexually obsessed by the Human Centipede? He clearly isn’t the type of man who’d be able to take action enough to go outside and capture enough people to get in his dungeon or even entertain them long enough to choloroform them.
Anyway, the British Board of Film Classification has made the film illegal, due to some scenes — like a man wrapping sandpaper around his dick and anally raping the last centipede. Which is how my eyes will feel come July 4th when Transformers III is released.
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