The roads are a terrifying place to be in America. There are potholes, droves of cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers, and now, according to recent statistics – a bunch of incapable people behind the wheels of steel death machines.
That’s right, Americans are not capable of driving. At least, one in five Americans are incapable of driving, but that doesn’t stop them from getting behind the wheels of cars. When you think about it…it makes sense. 1 in 5 Americans are either extremely elderly or infants. You don’t want babies driving cars – this isn’t some sort of wacky eighties comedy. But the actual statistic refers to people who have expired licenses, did poorly on their driving tests and who have peglegs. One in five people shouldn’t be on the road. Think of all the car accidents that you’ve seen – if you’ve seen more than five, you’ve witnessed the incompetence firsthand.
For those of you who love math, that means 37 million people who shouldn’t currently be on the road are blasting ‘Master of Puppets’ and heading straight for your face in their H2’s. Does that make you feel safe and secure? Statistically, it’s more safe flying in a tiny, two-propeller plane headed into a tornado than driving.
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