Online Poker Shuts Down, Thousands Of Moneyed Virgins Enraged

By Mark Lorenz on April 18th, 2011

Have you spent many a night, bleary eyed, wondering how the hell someone could hit a flush draw four times in a row against you? You will be temporarily vindicated.

Online poker has been a billion dollar industry, drawing in scads of money from the recent crazes for the game in Vegas. People have won millions of dollars, bought houses, wasted their children’s college money, spent hours yelling at screens – and now no more. Online gambling has supposedly been illegal in the US since 2006, but nobody told the poker sites. As a result, the Federal Government shut down some of the biggest, Full Tilt Poker, PokerStars, and Ultimate Bet have been shut down. No word yet on whether or not the funds people have accumulated in those accounts are safe, but one thing is certain…

The people who made their living staring at tiny animal avatars and clicking buttons MAY have to find temporary work. Just for the time being. Jobs where they can’t roll in at anytime in their underwear or wearing jerseys, where they may actually have to talk to people. Except for the big dogs. They’ll be sitting high on their piles of money

Which may not be a good thing.

Comments

  1. Robert

    April 18th, 2011 - 7:25:38 PM

    We need the help of all Poker players. There is now a facebook page that has been started to deal solely with this seriously impacting latest poker issue. It is to be the players voice where they will receive ALL available information and contribute their views. It is committed to firstly retrieving all monies owed and then the long term stability of the game. We care about the players not the owners of the sites or Government. Please support by joining the page and tell others. Once we get the numbers on the page we have ideas to share. http://www.facebook.com/pages/USA-online-poker-forum/123902074354258

    1

  2. DrWhodini

    April 20th, 2011 - 5:56:28 AM

    You have to bear in mind that the people playing on these sites from US were mostly doing so with full knowledge that THEY were also breaking the law. If you can 'buy golf balls', knowing it is actually funding your poker account, then you are also breaking that (ridiculous) federal law. What makes 'the people' any different, or above this???

    2

Add your comment