It’s a sad day when cologne jumps the shark into territory that should otherwise go untouched. To what am I referring? Oh, they just happened to manufacture a new bacon cologne. Eau Du Americain.
Bacon cologne. BACON cologne. America already has a rampant obesity problem, the only way we can worsen it is if we walked around smelling like we smeared food on our faces – and now we can. When did bacon get so popular? I feel like it was always a popular dish, but the internet memes of bacon have propelled it to the edge of normalcy and pushed it over into the abyss. So there’s a bacon cologne. You might want to know more about it – you sick so-and-so.
The cologne will be available through retailers for about 36 dollars, easing the burden you once had of setting up a shower with pork scratchings to get your unique musk. It’ll be available in two different varieties – the plain old Bacon Classic, and the top-of-the-line Bacon Gold. Bacon Gold has a hint of citrus flavorings thrown in, but I think we’re missing the point here.
And that is how you won’t be able to walk down the street without someone throwing themselves at your feet, begging you to ravage them. If you smell of bacon.
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