Glenn Beck To Be Off TV This Year?

By Mark Lorenz on April 7th, 2011

Glenn Beck is leaving my television? GLENN BECK IS LEAVING MY TELEVISION?!

It’s like a choir of angels were simultaneously singing and raining down on my windows with hundred-dollar bills. We won’t see any more of Glenn Beck playfully pouring gasoline on his micro-machines. We won’t see him feigning sadness everytime something in the government doesn’t go exactly right for him. We won’t see him tempting Barack Obama to call his phone everytime he makes a ridiculous assertion – wow. There’s going to be a lot of Glenn Beck’s program that I’m actually going to miss. Where else can you tune in on TV and find someone spouting crazy close to the level of someone who shoots up your local Hallmark? You usually have to search for it, but with Glenn Beck, all the deliciousness of a basic public access show were blended together with all the awkward moments of a show where talking heads revealed their basest insecurities. It was everything you ever could’ve wanted on television to motivate you to NOT vote Republican.

And now it’ll be gone, and Beck will be free to pursue other interests. Like what, whittling and cradling shotguns? I don’t welcome this future. Not in the least.