All the lonely people, what do they all come from? All the lonely people…
…chances are they buy Twilight-themed sex toys. That’s right, Twilight themed sex toys. If you think Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are done playing the embarrassed card being featured in a million dollar franchise – you won’t want to see Robert Pattinson’s face once he’s realized they’ve made a plastic penis based off of his Edward Cullen character. It’ll probably be close to the constipated come-hither stare that Kristen Stewart has mastered and put into effect in every one of her roles to date.
The sparkly vampire penis is called “The Vamp”, because the people who are inventing things like sparkly dildos are using all of their brainpower to invent the damn things and don’t really care enough about naming them. I’d call it the lonely baton. The cat prober. The holiday card-stamper.
Really, there are no words that I could use to overpower the copyrighting expertise of somebody who’s paid to write about Twilight dildos. So enjoy it with me.
Who doesn’t love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That’s what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won’t be the only thing coming for you in the night.
Hopefully your family will. To detach you from masturbating with a teenage vampire’s magic stick.
Comments
kayal
March 9th, 2011 - 3:18:38 PM
This dildo has been out in the market since the very first Twilight movie so I'm sure it's a surprise to no one except those people who don't follow Twilight.
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