Well, that’s the only time Snooki’s going to appear on Rolling Stone, so she might as well be writing a rocket, right?
Remember when Rolling Stone swore they’d always be a music magazine dedicated to integrity? Nah, I don’t either. This month, they have a cover story on everyone’s favorite guidette, Snooki, from Jersey Shore. She might as well be fighting Rhinos and shooting down aliens – it’s the last time she’s going to have a relevant spread until she starts hitting the buffets at free launch parties. What’s her plan? To turn into Jessica Simpson. Yes. Snooki wants to turn into a reasonably attractive blonde whose claim to fame is a line of jeans.
You can make your own ballooning weight jokes, but she’s deathly serious.
“When Jersey Shore ends I’m going to do more spinoffs. If MTV doesn’t want them, another network will be, like, ‘What does Snooki do now?’ or ‘Snooki’s getting married!’ What I’d like is to turn out like Jessica Simpson, with her whole brand. She makes millions. I’m trying to build an empire, because after this I can’t get a normal job. I mean, how do I go and sit behind a desk?”
Mercifully, Rolling Stone read all of our collective thoughts and put her in a barrel. So thanks for that. You can pick up the issue on newsstands now.
(Photo credit: Mark Seliger, for Rolling Stone)
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