Charlie Sheen Tests Negative For Drugs?

By Mark Lorenz on March 2nd, 2011

I knew it. I freaking knew it.

Everyone’s making fun of Charlie Sheen for being too out of control and partying, but according to 4 random drug tests he submitted to recently, the man is stone cold sober. These are the things that are coming out of his sober mind – which is even more amazing. It means that he needs to write a book, or go on tour, or just permanently say whatever thoughts that medieval knights drop into his head. The man is sober. 4 drug tests? I can see how you’d fake the results of 1 drug test, so either he’s done so many drugs his system has become permanently immune to them, or he’s clean.

Sheen submitted to a random drug test, which Radar Online observed him taking. That means a celebrity website has gotten to the point where they’re watch celebrities pee torrents of warlock urine into a cup inside their Hollywood mansions — I welcome this new low. He was probably grinning creepily and idly at his girlfriends while doing that. Chew on that image. Winning. Charlie Sheen is the only person in the world who’s going to have three different E! True Hollywood Stories.

This is so much better than if he were just flying high on something. Because testing negative for drugs means the man is just clinically insane — you can literally be driven insane from starring in CBS sitcoms.

Or, uh, it could be the drugs.