Britney Spears is still around making music, defying everyone’s expectations of what cornfed southern girls can achieve. Her new music video, Hold It Against Me, was released yesterday, which promoted her new album but confirmed all of our suspicions that Britney is the saddest pop star in existence next to Billy Joel.
Literally. The saddest pop star in existence. Here’s why. She has no idea where she is.
None. She’s in space, but that wasn’t Britney Spears’ decision. Somebody decided to put her in space because it matched with a song that overproduced by the iron curtain of Dr. Luke and Max Martin – Britney probably had no say in it.
Secondly? Britney looks absolutely godawful. No amount of airbrushing or make-up can cover up the fact that dragging herself through her life like a zombie for the last few years has obviously made her body absorb that reality and project it back. It’s a far cry from the days where she was considered one of the sexiest women on the planet. The fast cutaways make it seem like they’re trying to hide her face from us.
And finally, because the entire thing IS A COMMERCIAL. There’s completely obvious cuts to makeup, Sony products, and Plentyoffish. Which Britney would be trolling, if her parents didn’t get her into showbiz.
Just, a gross video.