Someone’s got a projector in my brain that makes the situations of my dreams REAL. Shia LaBeouf got punched in the face over the weekend, and now Olivia Wilde is a single lady.
That’s right. Maxim’s hottest woman in years past, a woman who can stand beside Victoria’s Secret models and put them to shame – but more importantly – a woman who was once on the OC, the most amazing show to air on Fox television next to The Simpsons; she’s single. Free to ‘sow her wild oats’ as most blogs are claiming. While we all wish that’s a possibility, there’s practically zero chances that she’s going to be tearing around town in a half-ripped designer dress humping things that have half of a pulse – that job has already been relegated to the supporting cast of iCarly.
But Wilde got married at 18 to an Italian prince (?!), Tao Ruspoli, who no doubt charmed her with his tales of comically overexaggerated facial hair and pasta, but at some point was unable to keep up the Disney-like lifestyle she’d grown accustomed to. So now she’s free. FREE. Free from the gilded cage her prince kept her in, and more likely to date commoners according to a false narrative that was just constructed in my head.