You thought you couldn’t love vending machines any more than you already did – they dispense happiness in dollar increments – but now you will. Now you’ll have to replace the vending machine you’ve installed in your house with a new one. THAT WILL READ YOUR FACE.
Facial recognition technology has come a long way. And by long way, I mean it exists now, where 50 years ago it was something that we talked about in dystopian films. The robots would recognize your face, then hunt you down and kill you. Now it’s that the robots recognize your face, then coordinate the assumptions of your culinary preferences based off of what you look like, and finally dispense what they feel would be the meal most suitable for you.
So it’s going to judge how you should eat by the way you look. I see no problem with this until it starts dispensing ethnic foods based off of loose criteria and starts telling people that they should really diet. Actually, what I’m really concerned about is when the vending machines start poisoning our food arbitrarily during the great robot war of 2020. You know it’ll happen.
The machine was invented by Kraft. And probably has a different name than ‘Anticipatory Dinner Machine’, but that’s what I’m going to call it – it’s much better than the recommended ‘Meal Planning Solution’. It will also dispense samples. Wow – a machine that scans your body then dispenses meals and samples? I know what people will be doing the next time they’re high.
‘Hey man, this machine thinks I love ice cream!’