And unfortunately, it’s not by some dude in a bar.
New Years has a number of traditions – getting drunk, watching Dick Clark or Ryan Seacrest, or whatever media-controlling demon child du jour is being thrust down our gullets, and watching a ball drop. This year, there’ll be a different kind of ball dropping.
Jersey Shore is one of the most successful shows on cable, capitalizing off the trash TV craze and New Jersey’s ability to manufacture trash out of the most dire situations. MTV is pulling out all the stops in promoting Jersey Shore before the concept and the cast jump the shark. Literally, before they fist-pump themselves into the ether. So they’re putting Snookie in a ball and dropping her to the countdown, before trying to set a Guinness record for the most fist-pumpers in one place. There are a number of things that could go awesomely wrong with this proposition.
1. Snooki plummets to the Earth
Everything that was once celebrated and loathed about Jersey store is instead martyred. People around the world will wear poofs in mourning, and their spray-tan will run with their tears. The resultant aftershocks will cause Tsunamis in Japan and New Jersey may fall into the ocean.
2. Snookie gets lit on fire
There are a lot of explosions happening on New Years. It’s conceivable that one could ignite the ball Snooki resides in, and her hairspray would cause a fire the likes of which have never been seen in Jersey. Also, it’s great that she’s in essentially a hamster ball. It’s her natural habitat.
3. Nothing goes wrong.
And that would be terrible.
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