This week in terribly foreboding possibly apocalyptic news – North Korea is threatening war with South Korea. Merry Christmas, everyone! There’s no way this is going to be in any way terrible for the world’s populace!
North Korea is famously crazy. Dictators in general are famously crazy, with idiosyncracies that range from killing people to dressing up like their favorite movie characters – a pursuit that Kim Jong Il has been pursuing hard after viewing Weekend At Bernie’s. But with recent attacks on the South that have resulted in a few casualties, North Korea’s better half has been risking nothing and running military drills in case Kim Jong Il tries to recreate the more epic parts of Apocalypse Now. The military drills have been understandably angering the North, who are now threatening a response. With a ‘Holy War’.
Jesus Christ. That sounds serious. But not really. Only North Korea could threaten the world with a ‘Holy War’ and the world would go, ‘Oh, that crazy North Korea. They’re so tiny and adorable, yet strangely deadly and psychotic.’
So North Korea has threatened a holy war. South Korea is threatening a merciless counter attack. I’m threatening to send both of them holiday cookies so they’re much too fat to fight about anything and instead complain passive aggressively for hours at a time.
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