Today was a holiday that needed to be celebrated. Today was a necessary day in the lives of people everywhere around the world. Today was Festivus, a Festivus for the rest of us.
Children everywhere were denied the commercialism and pressure of caving to popular Christmas traditions in favor of a holiday where the disappointing nature of family can be celebrated, adornment shunned, and giant poles erected. It was a holiday supposedly invented in an episode of Seinfeld, but in reality writer Dan O’Keefe took his familial traditions and pitched them in Seinfeld’s writer’s room. Which immediately caused a sensation that he brought to a grateful nation.
If you’re wondering how to celebrate Festivus, first you need to buy a metal pole to set up in your living room. No adornments, tinsel just distracts you from the important things. Then you put together a Festivus feast that consists of as little preparation as possible. After the feast, you celebrate the airing of grievances where you sit people down around the table and express to them how much they’ve disappointed you during the last year. And finally, the feat of strength, where you wrestle the head of the house to the ground.
For whatever reason, the holiday has caught on like wildfire. Probably because it’s no more bizarre than an obese man breaking into your house to leave you things in the middle of the night.