If you’ve ever been shocking, titillated, and amazed by the Twilight franchise, chances are that I’ve never spoken to you at length. And I don’t know you. Because you’re running around, throwing cats at people’s faces. Which could put a damper on intriguing conversations.
People say it’s cheap to mock the things that droves of women love as stupid, because it reinforces the hegemony of men. And what a hegemony men have – we get paid 1 dollar to .70 cents and we don’t go crazy over books like Twilight. How much compensation can the good Lord give us?
Twilight’s been a phenomenon, inexplicably for the last three years, resulting in millions at the worldwide box office, making international stars of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, and tabloid bait. But once the dust clears – there’s one thing that Twilight’s about – the unfulfilled promise of sex, just dangling slightly out of reach.
The producers have fulfilled that promise by releasing one of the first images from the film for Thanksgiving. And it makes me thankful that I really don’t have any sort of vague, lingering investment in this kind of project, because damn.
It’s the above image. A hand clutching a bed. Indicating sexual congress, I do believe.
And if that’s the most exciting part of your day, you desperately need more sexual congress.