What are you thankful for? Butterball Turkey?
This Thanksgiving is taking on several interesting dynamics, not to mention the jump in turkey prices that will prevent most families from affording that 18 pounder–forcing the purchase of a more modest bird in the 12 pound range. Beyond the world of turkey, there are several days, including and following Thanksgiving Day, that will offer heavy implications within the world of sports.
However, for those of you looking for a Butterball Turkey, what exactly are you hoping for? A recipe? Fortunately, I consider myself a pretty talented amateur cook, so I thought I’d offer a few suggestions to those possessing curiosity, regardless of the “brand” of turkey that you purchase.
If you’re a dude who considers himself a man, and you don’t know how to cook an animal…? Think again. You’re no more a man than a college freshman who is handed a beer at the semester’s first frat party. You pickin’ up what I’m layin’ down?
Oven roasting a turkey is far easier than you realize. Basically, you put the bird on a roasting rack in a roasting pan and turn the oven on. Once the internal temperature of the bird is pushing between 170-180 degrees you’re good to go. If you opt for such a method, the turkey won’t taste very good, but hey, it’ll be cooked. Now. Let’s talk options.
I have three favorite turkeys: Roasted, smoked and fried. The difficulty of preparation goes in that order, based on preparation, cooking and safety measures.
Just like Dennis Haysbert states on the All-State commercials, if you try to deep fry a turkey improperly, you’ll burn the house down or end up in the hospital.
What’s worse than dry turkey on Thanksgiving? Exactly. So, consider a simple roast turkey that is easy to cook, and fun to prepare.
Dude speak:
-You need a Reynolds oven bag–turkey size. Thaw the bird completely! You should have started this yesterday in the fridge.
-Clean the bird with cold water, inside the cavity and out, pat him/her dry with paper towels. Discard the liver and gizzard, or use them in the stuffing.
-Preheat the oven to 350.
-Thank the bird for offering his/her existence to your football watching pleasure.
-Do a little dance with the turkey, while holding it by the wings.
-Peel two oranges, and stuff them in the cavity. If three will fit, stick three in, I don’t care! The bigger the bird, the most orange citrus. Take the orange rinds and cram them in the cavity as well.
-Combine two to three spoonfuls of brown sugar with two spoonfuls of salt in a bowl. Stir that crap up.
-Rub some Salt and Brown Sugar mixture under the skin onto the breast. Rub the rest of the mixture all over the bird.
-Stick the turkey in the bag, breast side up, and put it on the center oven rack.
-Wash your hands.
-Roasting time will depend on size of bird. A 14-16 pounder will take about 2.5 hours. A meat thermometer hitting 170 in thickest part of the breast (not touching bone) will work, it’ll continue to rise after removing the bird from the oven.
-Remove bag from oven, and allow the turkey to chillax for about 15 minutes before carving.
So easy. So delicious. So impressive to your lady friend.
