BREAK OUT THE CELEBRATORY BEVERAGES, WE CAN ALL WEAR CONDOMS.
Condoms are a miraculous invention – cancel that. Condoms have existed since the dawn of time, with even prehistoric men wanting to make sure that they wouldn’t have to kill extra meat to feed all of the little mouths waiting for them back in the cave. Because those mouths could scream for extended periods of time, drawing all of the nearby animals back to the cave. Those mouths would keep them working, running through the fields and slaving away whilst the women raised the babes – a proposition that was fun for basically no-one. But it was necessary to survive.
So people did crazy things to try and not get pregnant – including shoving crocodile dung up their ladybits, killing sheep and wrapping their skin around their penises. And these practices have continued for hundreds of years, because not everyone wants to have mouths of children yelling at them every day of the week.
Until the Catholic Church said it was evil. One of the world’s largest religious institutions has had a firm stance for forever against condoms and forms of birth control – despite the positive impact it has for reducing forms of cancer and oh, say, the spread of STD’s.
But now the Pope’s admitted that condoms are only okay when preventing AIDS. So, baby steps. But still. Good baby steps.