In case you’ve been hiding under a rock for the last couple of days, there’s been a giant controversy raging over the media and political airwaves.
That controversy has a star – the pedantically named Juan Williams. See, Juan was a dual commentator on NPR and Fox News, a position that people might call into question as being weird. As NPR is a not-for-profit company designated to help further the collective consciousness and Fox News is a giant baby-eating machine. Literally a giant machine with a hungry mouth and oven-like stomach, that will eat your babies and force mediocrity back into the pandering mouths of the middle class. While I was trapped in a Toyota dealership getting my car fixed – the only channel was Fox News. And I came out dumber, literally trying to hit my head against things and slobbering on the service girls.
Coincidentally, Juan Williams was on when I was in the dealership – saying that he was afraid to get on the same planes that Muslims were on. Because that’s normal.
Meanwhile, when asked to comment, Muslims across America said they wouldn’t want to sit next to Juan Williams. Because he’d try to steal their wallets and talk about how delicious watermelon is for the duration of the flight. And god forbid – there may be an Asian pilot, and his squinty eyes would make it difficult for him to drive safely to the gate without killing anybody.
Aren’t racist stereotypes fun? Juan Williams is complaining because he was fired from NPR. I’m complaining that he wasn’t hit with a board. The end.