Afterwards, he put on his sunglasses ever so slowly. Ever. So slowly.
You would think Jean Claude Van Damme was invincible. You would think he’d be able to kick apart the brittle white bones of the reaper when his number was up – and you’d be right. Because he was able to beat down a heart attack.
Van Damme has been more in the news lately for the things that he DIDN’T do more than the things that he has been doing. As in, he DIDN’T star in The Expendables, because he felt like the part they wrote for him wasn’t big enough. And he DIDN’T respond to my fan mail, requesting that he come to kick the head off a prominent Los Angeles monument to be determined later. He also was hesitant to come knockin’ on heaven’s door when he was on a film set in New Orleans.
Production on the movie Weapon was stalled temporarily when the 50 year-old suffered a minor heart episode. It’s surprising it hasn’t happened earlier, considering during the mid 90’s, he spent 10,000 a week on cocaine. Imagine spending that much money on something just to get your heart racing. It’s the height of folly. You’re Van Dammeing yourself, even.
Apologies. I’ll be in my trailer of shame.
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