OI! MAN THE LIFEBOATS! LOS ANGELES IS ON FIRE!
Although it sounds like a resurrected deathbed request from long-dead comedian Bill Hicks, Los Angeles is currently suffering the most sweltering and muggy day in their history. And LA people get muggy. Even though it’s so last season. Proving once again what the right has tried to establish for years, that Los Angeles is always going to be flaming. Or on fire, just because God hates all of us free-spirited, wild spirits running and hiking to get in our best shape so we can finally book a national commercial. Cause it’s gonna happen because we’re extroverted and wish hard enough.
It may be global warming. It may be the fact that we’re all godless harlots, devoid of morals or common sense, running around building a monument to materialism and flash in a giant city.
Or it can be a spat of bad weather. Either way, it’s about 115 degrees in Los Angeles right now, which makes it the first time people in Texas or Phoenix could honestly say, “Good lord, I’m glad I’m not in Los Angeles. It’s way too hot there. Also, the people there keep making and writing TERRIBLE movies.”
Also, if it’s 115 downtown, it has to be at least 300 in the valley. Because of this, Thousand Oaks is burning. Now run and tell dat, homeboy.
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