Forbes Rich List 2010: Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and More!

By James K on September 23rd, 2010

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Every year, Forbes comes out with a list of the richest Americans and makes you feel like a destitute, lazy slob who’s wasted your life. Here’s a look at this year’s Top 10:

1. Bill Gates. Even though Windows continues to suck, Bill Gates continues to get richer and richer. This year, the 54-year-old’s worth is listed at $54 billion.

2. Warren Buffett. Why the hell anyone worth $45 billion would want to live in Omaha, Nebraska is perhaps the biggest mystery of this year’s list.

3. Larry Ellison. After dropping out of college twice, the Oracle chief amassed a fortune that’s currently worth $27 billion. The moral of the story: school is for losers.

4. Christy Walton. Even though the Walmart heiress’ inheritance is now valued at $24 billion, she still looks like a man with curly blonde hair.

5. Charles Koch. Wait a second…this manufacturing and energy giant is worth $21.5 billion and lives in Wichita, Kansas? Sorry what I said about Omaha, Mr. Buffet. Omaha is a fine city.

5 (tie). David Koch. At least Charles Koch’s equally rich little brother has the good sense to live in New York.

7. Jim Walton. Who would you rather be: Christy Walton, who is worth $2.9 billion more than her older brother, or Jim Walton, who not only looks like a man, but actually is a man?

8. Alice Walton. She’s even less to look at than her sister Christy and she’s only worth $20 billion. Talk about getting the short end of the family stick.

9. S. Robson Walton. Another goddamn Walton? Well, I’m out of jokes. You get off easy, S. Robson.

10. Michael Bloomberg. Hey, if I had $109 million of my own money to spend on political campaigning, I’d be the mayor of New York too. Hell, I’d be the autocratic ruler of my own tropical utopia.

Other notables on the list include Apple CEO Steve Jobs, who seems to not give a shit about shaving anymore now that the whole world has gone crazy for the iPhone, and whiny punk Mark Zuckerberg, who more than tripled a Facebook fortune that was worth $2 billion last year.

That’s right. I called him a punk. I’m a poor man with nothing to lose. Bring it, Zuckerberg. I’ll sue you.