I think that it’s about time Johnny Depp plays a schlubby character. Even when his schlubby characters resemble the sort of men you’d run into in nightclubs in Ibiza, it’s a change of pace.
And schlubby he plays in the new film that has him locking lips with Angelina Jolie. In what must be the most brilliant casting of the least spy-y people working in Hollywood, the story goes that Angelina Jolie is involved in a spy ring that lures Johnny Depp in to distract from a larger story that derp derp derp derp derp derp derp derp. Why does Angelina Jolie keep getting cast in spy roles? Is it some sort of cruel joke? Are we supposed to look away and ignore the fact that her hair probably weighs more than she does and even the writers here at Manolith could probably break her fragile body in half?
I mean, we’re nerdy writers. She’s going up against spies that have been trained how to punch people in the face all proper-like.
So the trailer to The Tourist was released this week, and it’ll have you asking bunches of questions. Like, do we need another Bourne Ultimatum rip-off? What the hell has Captain Jack Sparrow been eating? And why can’t Johnny Depp actually TALK like an American?