High Fructose Corn Syrup Is Getting A Makeover

By Mark Lorenz on September 14th, 2010

• Tweet
• Link to StumbleUpon
• 1 Comment

It’s sticky. And oh-so inappropriate.

High fructose corn syrup has been invading the American diet, and despite all efforts to stop it, it looks like the people who make corn are going to keep on marching.

Which makes me both simultaneously happy and sad. Happy because somewhere, my Midwestern relatives are probably making a small fortune selling corn so it can be used in everything under the sun — yogurt, soda, bread, in various children you may adopt, and adapted so it can be used to feed cows, even though they’re not designed by nature to digest corn. It’s come under scrutiny from groups of nutritionists, environmentalists, and everybody who enjoys shaking their fist against giant grain manufacturers.

But now, the makers of high fructose corn syrup are going to be petitioning to change the name to – get ready, wait for it – corn sugar. That’s right. Corn sugar. Doesn’t that sound delicious? Corn crushed and malleated until it is basically the same consistency of a delicious lollipop.

Profits from high fructose corn syrup are down, so the Corn Refiners Association put the request through to the FDA.

Personally, I think it’s a much better alternative than the one I suggested – delicious obesity. Or King Diabetes.

“What’s in my ketchup?”

“KING DIABETES.”

(Source)