Fantastic news for anybody out there who enjoys pounding down drinks at a disturbing rate. You are not an alcoholic. You are going to be immortal.
New studies – using SCIENCE — indicate the same things that older ones say. Namely, that people who drink heavily will most likely outlive the people who choose to abstain from alcohol entirely. Your drunken uncle Ned that pees on your family’s bonsai plants is going to be pissing for a long time. While you are laid out in a hospital bed, Ned will still be wreaking havoc on the neighbors and nearby plants. And there’s nothing you can do about it. There will be no staccato strings in the background as your family members try to gather him up and talk to him about how his heavy drinking is ruining his life and livelihood for an episode of Intervention.
Ned’s going to live forever. Science isn’t exactly sure why drinking heavily may help you live longer than other people who decide to abstain from alcohol, or people who drink moderately – or even if the studies done were ACCURATE – but I’ll drink to faulty studies.
I’ll drink to anything now. Because I’m going to be 200 when I die, and my last words will be quoting LMFAO’s opus, ‘Shots’
(Source)
Comments
easterhumiston
August 31st, 2010 - 4:59:30 AM
alcohol has lots of calories, so it increases weight. but there are two types of people, who like saying cheers: the ones, who eat a lot when using alcohol, and the others, who eat almost nothing at that moment.
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lilboikule
August 31st, 2010 - 10:41:46 AM
It could be that the heavy drinkers are more happy and living with content, and thats y they may live longer.
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Vicki Harris
September 2nd, 2010 - 8:53:25 AM
It's a stupid study. I think it will cause more DUI's and all sorts of extra problems that no one needs.
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Nes
September 5th, 2010 - 4:41:34 AM
Oh bollocks! I know people who were/are heavy drinkers and some of them have now passed away because of illnesses related to their drinking and others are now suffering at the hands of their drinking! Most people I know that drink heavily have really piled on weight.
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paul
September 6th, 2010 - 1:38:01 PM
this just compares heavy drinkers to non drinkers. what about moderate drinkers?
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