Ladies, it’s time to get your engines revved up. Provided that you are white, have blonde hair, are addicted to drugs, and might’ve worked as an escort. Otherwise, you need not apply.
Tiger Woods is back on the market. He’s back to sink his wood into your raging, overgrown greens and shoot under your back end. </GOLFPUNOVERLOAD> Or something. His divorce proceedings with Elin have been finalized, and she’s looking to make millions of dollars from him. Specifically, if the figures leaked are accurate, anywhere from 10-20 million dollars per girl that he cheated on Elin with. Is any amount of sex worth 10 to 20 million dollars? I don’t think anything I’ve ever done to anybody, or any reaction would be worth that amount of money.
Unless the sex produced diamonds. Every thrust, diamonds came spilling out of orifices, but chances are, since Tiger never wrapped it up, it only produced dirty STD’s.
So now Tiger is going to be able to spend most of his time playing golf, hopefully get his groove back, and get back into winning so he can marry ten more women. At least.
Wouldn’t it be sad if he never did, though? And the downfall of one of the best golfers, with the most stale and whitebread media image was because he couldn’t keep it in his pants?
He’s like Sean Kemp, with clubs.
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