On or about your eyes. Seriously.
At one time, celebrity roasts were about celebrating the careers of people who have really contributed fantastic sums of themselves and time to their art and craft – and were on the top of it. People like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Don Rickles, Johnny Carson – giants in the world of entertainment. Now who do we have? Who are we roasting? Flava Flav, David Hasslehoff, and Pamela Anderson? Are you serious?
Comedy Central’s roast of David Hasslehoff aired over the weekend – and if you’ve never seen it, it’s basically a showcase for everyone signed to Comedy Central records to gain more fans and notoriety. However, it’s still rife with talent giants like Lisa Lampanelli (ZOMGZ, I SLEEP WITH BLACK MEN), Jeffrey “I’ve Never Done A Televised Gig EXCEPT For A Roast” Ross, and Greg “I’ve Made 13 Appearances on the Tonight Show, and People Still Have No Idea Who I Am” Giraldo.
Comedy Central will be airing the re-runs of it or the next few years, I’m sure, but if you want a brief summary – it’s DAVID HASSLEHOFF IS A DRUNK. HE WAS ON BAYWATCH. HE IS NO LONGER ON BAYWATCH. I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE OTHER ROASTERS NOW. THANK YOU FOR THE PAYCHECK.
Comedy Central Roasts are like Funny or Die, if you can find anything on it that is actually funny and doesn’t reek of try-hard, I will give you my left testicle and firstborn son.
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