Jersey Shore has premiered, bringing us a season of unanswered questions. That will never be answered. Like how people can find tiny tan people attractive – or gripping.
But somehow, they are. What else are they? Willing to violate laws to keep their party going – as Snooki has been arrested in a New Jersey beach town for disorderly conduct. Apparently, she was disturbing other beachgoers, probably by being 4’9” and the most annoying human being alive. Which makes for great reality television, but not for amazing times at a beach – and weird realizations during barbeques between friends.
“Hey, man, that Oompa Loompa is coming over here to dance with us.”
“Alright. Alright. Don’t make eye contact.”
“She’s coming over here, carrying a boombox and blasting house.”
“Yes. Just don’t make eye contact with her.”
“She just puked on our steaks.”
“Oh, goddammit.”
Police brought in Snooki and were no doubt regaled by stories of what that bitch Angelina said, and how this is so weird that she’s being arrested, how it was like, so crazy.
Or the entire thing is a set-up for the show, that’ll be aired later. Which is my guess. The entire thing was set up by MTV – but hey, you know. Whatever works.
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