Except, perhaps, members of your family.
Al Gore is not the sexual harassing monster that Portland masseuses have accused him of.
Masseuses are apparently liars and trying to pin blame on Al Gore for doing things that he didn’t actually do. Do you actually think Al Gore would take off his towel and waggle his penis at a masseuse? That’s the most disturbing visual I’ve written about today. Al Gore waggling his penis – waggling. Just swinging it slowly from the left to the right like a pendulum of environmental justice. Can a man so helpful to our feathered friends and manatees still be able to assault masseuses?
I say nay. I say Al Gore is incapable of inflicting pain on people. Al Gore is made of sunshine and the happy dreams of otters. Al Gore is like the Beastmaster, only in the form of an elderly, mildly obese ex-Senator.
But his accuser didn’t pass a polygraph test, was paid by the National Enquirer for her story, and is six different kinds of shady. Tests of the clothes Molly Hagerty was wearing didn’t reveal any seminal fluid – again, you’re welcome for that image – and witnesses place her at a different time than she claims.
Basically, Molly Hagerty is shady. And Al Gore isn’t.
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