Not, like, a real heart.
Dick Cheney has had an operation to fix his heart. He still has a heart? I thought they replaced that years ago with a squeeze pump so the devil could pump him.
And that sounded vaguely sexual. In the worst way possible. The last thing you want to imagine Dick Cheney in is a vertical tango, in flagrante delicto with the lord Satan. The Cheney flagrante. Anyway, his heart is bad, clearly a karmic retribution for all the war crimes he’s committed and the drafts he’s dodged, and the secret lesbian novels his wife has published all whilst legislating against gay rights.
Cheney is a sneaky, sneaky man. A man who doesn’t disclose where he lives or the kind of beverages and babies he subsists on. The kind of man who probably ran over your cat secretly and would leave you a note and sign it with a name that wasn’t his. Which is why he didn’t disclose his heart surgery until recently. He’s installed a small pump to help his heart work, and is entering the a land of ‘increasing congestive heart failure’.
I hope he stays in that land. For a long time. Until his congestive heart fails.
Too mean? Perhaps. But the dude’s had five heart attacks since age 37. That’s either karma or too many McNuggets.
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