Lindsay Lohan can’t hold down a job, she can’t hold down a man and now she can’t hold down a lawyer. What can she hold down? Her trophy for 70’s-worthy skankdom.
If you’re a fan of celebrity misfortune, you’ve had a lot happen this week that’s schadenfreude boner-worthy. Specifically, what’s been happening with Lindsay Lohan. You might’ve seen her weeping in the courtroom about how she had to work (on what, experts are debating – it’s between meth and more meth), her painted nails with messages to the lord and the judge, and her crying on her lawyer’s shoulder – and wondered how any kind of reputable law professional would tolerate it.
Good news, they won’t. Lindsay’s lawyer has done her walk of shame to the courtroom and now she’s free. Free. So here are some imagined conversations between Lindsay, and her lawyer.
“I got you this 2×4.”
“Why?”
“So you can stop grinding your teeth. If you keep grinding your teeth, I’m going to hit you with this 2×4.”
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“I couldn’t find the bathrooms, so I went in the next logical place.”
“For the last time, stop peeing in my purse.”
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“Hey, I just wanted to know, I really appreciate you lawyering for me.”
“Jesus Christ, Lindsay, you’re drunk and covered in parakeets.”
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Drunk and covered with parakeets is no way to go through life, son.
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