Sometimes life just rears up and punches you in the throat. Sometimes you don’t know left from right or up from down. Sometimes you just read the news and feel like weeping. This is one of those times.
Urkel, come on now. You know that when you break the law, the police blotters and the media will just know you as Urkel the criminal mastermind. You know that when people talk about you and your career defining performance as a mugging, aggressively unfunny comic foil that only could’ve flown in the 90’s and late 80’s, it’ll always be tied to your criminal behavior.
So why on earth would you feel compelled to hit a woman? In her breast implant? And then push her into the toilet so hard that it breaks? I thought we had something, Jaleel White. I thought we had something special and you were the kind of child actor to make a difference and transition successfully into the real world without the holy trinity of meth, meth, and more meth. (See Lindsay Lohan.)
But here we are. White’s representatives say that the incident never happened, and that’s an attempt to tarnish his image to sway custody hearings over his infant son.
I hope not. Otherwise, I’ll have to remove the Jaleel shrine from my home.
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