Bruce Willis Launching Cologne

By Mark Lorenz on July 7th, 2010

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You know you’ve wanted to smell like Bruce Willis. Or at least, be in the presence of something that smells like Bruce Willis. And thankfully, somebody has realized and filled that void in your heart.

Or at least, made a perfume to fill that void. So Bruce Willis can fill your void. With manliness, and bullets. The way Bruce Willis typically fills voids. LR Health & Beauty Systems has announced that they’re launching ‘Bruce Willis’ signature collection’, which he created in partnership with the German beauty company. So in Germany, you can buy now buy Bruce Willis hair and body wash, aftershave balm, and cologne.

I have no words to express my happiness. Only sounds that couldn’t possibly translate into text over the internet. The tagline of Bruce Willis’ signature line? ‘Smart Guys Live Forever.’ And they do. Which is why all the people who thought this would be a good idea will most likely be dead within the week.

Germany, you have disappointed me by not trouncing Spain, but then you please me by creating a new product that will most likely be part of my morning routine, directly after rolling over tires and pounding them with sledgehammers

And that is why you’re the greatest nation.