Lindsay Lohan is our generation’s Corey Haim. A warning to stay away from fame, stay away from crazy showbiz moms, and just live your life.
She’s violated her parole. Which really wouldn’t be news, as she’s Lindsay Lohan. But because she’s Lindsay Lohan, violating parole means coming up with a bunch of cray excuses as to how she didn’t really violate her parole. Including her crazy friend stuffing a light-up wristband into her socks. So the next time you’ve gotten yourself in enough trouble to wear an alcohol-monitoring SCRAM bracelet, a device that measures levels of your own biology, try not to be so ridiculous.
It’s not that Lindsay Lohan is incredibly creative. She’s lying to the cops. You’d think she could pull more out of her arsenal than, “OH, MY CRAZY FRIEND STUFFS ME FULL OF LIGHT-UP THINGS.” Like, “A LEPRECHAUN CAME DOWN FROM THE SKY AND OFFERED ME THREE WISHES, SO I PUT HIM IN MY SOCKS AND HE TURED INTO ELECTRIC ENERGY.”
Or something. Earlier, Lindsay’s blood tests leaked, showing that she had high levels of cocaine in her system when she was arrested in 2007. So now, the question is, when will Lindsay finally get to rehab? Her career’s in the tubes, she has drinks while wearing alcohol bracelets, and has to post 200,000 dollars worth of bail, and she’s broke.
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