I know you’re all dying for an Indiana Jones sequel. That isn’t heavy-handed, pandery, or loaded with CGI gophers. Bad news. There will be gophers. So many gophers.
The next Indiana Jones installment, tentatively and creatively titled Indiana Jones 5, is going to be set in the Bermuda triangle. So everybody who was hoping to have a movie where Indiana explores mythology that isn’t circulating in the popular repertoire will have to find and kill CGI gophers. I hear they taste better than real ones. But don’t take my word for it, take Woody Harrelson’s.
According to a press blurb in Stuff Magazine, New Zealand, movie bosses are reassuring fans that the new story will head back to their roots. But the last installment grossed 600 million dollars worldwide, which means movie bosses will be conflicted between their originality circuits and their money-making schemes, and will probably just catch fire and start executing PA’s. Movie bosses are one step away from being robots.
Harrison Ford will be coming back for the fifth installment, and so help me god, if Shia Labeouf is too, I’m going to firebomb every movie set they’re constructing on the lots in Burbank and downtown LA.
Or maybe just the refrigerators.