Nicholas Cage is a crazy man. And this is why we, the moviegoing public, love him. As Roger Ebert said, only Nicholas Cage could make the act of shooting a child funny. Or punching a woman in a bear costume.
And now? Nicholas Cage won’t eat any sort of animal that has undignified sex. Which pretty much precludes him from eating any animal altogether. Cause what animal actually looks dignified while they’re having sex? What animal. Point it out to me. I’ll go to court on this fact. People make hilarious compilation videos of the human orgasm, I’m sure animals don’t look at each other with admiration.
I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex. Fish and birds are very dignified in their sexual pursuits. But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.
Say it altogether now, WHAT THE F*CK? Nicholas Cage, you’ve got to get it together. Just because pigs have sloppy sex doesn’t mean that they’re not delicious. In fact, it probably makes them wayyy more delicious.
His house, BTW, is described as a frat-house bordello. So if Whole Foods starts selling Nicholas Cage meat, you probably shouldn’t try any.
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