People decried KFC’s Double Down as the end of culinary civilization. A monstrous blight on the face of the already riddled fast-food industry. But guess what? People have bought over 10 million of them.
Ten times as many people have bought Double Downs as they have iPads. Which means that we’re a very fat, technologically adept society. KFC was only supposed to have the sandwich on their menu until Sunday, but hey, ten million of you fatties bought them and promptly decided to not die of heart attacks, so it’s holding on. With its greasy, terrible fingers. The Double-Down came on the market last month, after a lot of fanfare and rumors that the sandwich didn’t actually exist. And it does. Like a terrible monster slumbering under the ocean, it exists, and it came to kill us all. Only those don’t cost five dollars.
It’s actually been one of the biggest sandwich launches of all-time, with cross-marketing permeating everything from YouTube to Stephen Colbert.
The Double-Down has 540 calories and 32 grams of fat, and 1,380 milligrams of salt.
Reading that should’ve made your heart hurt. It made my heart hurt, and I’m not even sure I have one anymore. Nope. There’s nothing there.