I remember when the Tiger Woods scandal broke, there was originally odds up as to how likely it would be that Rachel Uchitel would strip off her clothes and dance in front of Hugh Hefner’s photographers.
And now it’s time for me to collect all the money that I put on her. Not that I actually put money on her. If I did, she would’ve been having sex to me. Because that’s the kind of classy lady she is. Hey, remember when Playboy had ACTUALLY hot women on the cover, not Hollywooded trash and scandals? I really don’t care if a woman on the cover had sex with Elliot Spitzer. In fact, if there were any chance of me masturbating to your magazine (which there isn’t, because it’s a magazine), it’s completely ruined by the fact that I know elf-like New York politicians have had their hands on the cover models.
You want to make Playboy awesome? Stop getting the scandal of the week naked, get some actually sexy women on the cover, then tell us NOTHING ABOUT THEM. Don’t give them television shows, don’t ruin them by having them talk, just get hot, natural women, and put them on the cover.
And for god’s sake, make sure they’re actually attractive. Not some fame-hungry cougar. No amount of airbrushing can make that attractive.
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