There was one movie I loved as a child. One movie that I’d descramble the cable for, watch the preview over and over again, and made me think that Rob Schneider was a lesser deity. That movie was Judge Dredd.
Sure, it was terrible. It was godawful. And Sylvester Stallone looks like he’s running around in half-retarded cosplay armor, chewing on his syllables, the scenery, and whatever lady comes before him. And Armand Assante is in it, which is cause enough to make it one of the worst movies of all time. But you know what? It had a kick-ass trailer, which was incredibly compelling when you’re tiny and have no way of acquiring taste. Which will probably be the remainder of my life.
But studio executives have no new ideas. So you can see where this is headed. You can see what direction this is going in. It’s going in the 3D direction, where the combined suckitude of a number of words put together on a hundred or so pages can create a black hole that sucks you into another dimension.
A new version of Dredd is being shopped around the Cannes Film Festival, and it’s getting a budget of about 50 million dollars.
In other news, I AM THE LAHHHW.