Chely Wright Is Coming Out

By Mark Lorenz on May 3rd, 2010

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The local gossip around the watercooler is that this week, a major celebrity was going to come out of the closet. Blow Hollywood’s veil of sexuality off its hinges. And now we have an announcement.

Chely Wright is going to come out as gay. This is a revolutionary announcement. This will change the way we live and work, and think about our heroes that reside here in Hollywood. This’ll turn cats into barking dogs, old women into teen sexpots, and a giant black-hole of loose morals and vacuity will descend upon all of America. As soon as we figure out who the hell Chely Wright is. It’ll be on the front page of People this week.

For those of you playing at home, Chely Wright is a country singer who had a number one hit in 1999 with “Single White Female”, perhaps the most nondescript title a song can ever be given. But beyond that? She’s dated Brad Paisley, and was the American Academy of Country Music’s artist of the year in 1999.

So this is a big disappointment. I thought we’d get an obviously gay celebrity making a big move to unleash the truth about themselves, like John Travolta, or possibly Jake Gyllenhaal.

But no. We have to deal with country artists. Like always.

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