We finally have some kind of closure regarding the ways the dinosaurs died. And it wasn’t masturbating, no matter what your mother tells you.
Theories about why the dinosaurs died ranged from bad hygiene and no exercise, to exploding volcanoes, to hair-brained theories about how they evolved into humans. But now we know exactly what killed them all off, millions of years ago. Bruce Willis’ kryptonite.
A gigantic asteroid.
The suggestion was first raised in 1980, when Louis Alvarez and his boy Walter published a paper blaming the dinocide on an asteroid that hit the earth. They tracked the homicidal asteroid to Chixulub, Mexico, esse. But another theory raised by a different scientist claimed that the dinosaurs died from volcanic eruption or multiple asteroid impacts. Like most scientific fights, it was settled with words and research. 41 geologists got together to review and pour over data, and after fist-fights, many tuna sandwiches, and tears, they’ve decided to publish their report in the journal aptly titled: Science.
It was a giant asteroid. It kicked up dust, blotted out the sun, caused the earth to turn black, made fun of their mothers, and then promptly shot all the dinosaurs dead, with dust-bullets.
So you can sleep well tonight.
(Image via Anne&Ian)
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