That’s right, ladies. Get your sexy revving. King Larry is here to throw down his loving and make you stranger bitches find themselves a husband.
Larry King’s gonna put you in silk sheets and nice dresses and make you sparkle. That’s just how Larry roles, you see. Larry King, a man whose name is synonymous with divorces, failed marriages, vampire demons and compelling interviews — is unfortunately going to divorce his seventh wife. Which is unfortunate, because I’m sure she enjoying lying next to him at night, recreating what a mausoleum must feel like – only more humorless. And colder. And a little creepier.
I don’t know how one sustains a marriage with Larry King. He’d be constantly hunched over . Imagine that staring at you from across the dinner-table every morning. Just a scowling vampire-demon face, interviewing you about how your day was and then asking when you’d like to leave with him to the bedroom so he can undulate on you. Is that frightening to you? It’s frightening to me.
Fortunately, rumors are flying so we can play our favorite game around the water-cooler at Manolith – speculate why Larry King is getting divorced. Ready to play?
It was cause he was fooling around with his wife’s sister. Larry King is getting kinkier play than you. Hang your head in shame.