The internet is awash with rumors. Swirling, twisting rumors that Sandra Bullock might be involved in kinky sex. Videotaped, kinky sex. And I want these rumors to be true, but chances are they’re fake. Like Sandra Bullock’s nose and left titty.
As has been explored many times before. Sandra Bullock married a complete douchebag. A tattooed, chopper-fixing, white power waving television show-having bag of douche. Who apparently was not only cheating with more than 5 other women, he was keeping extensive sex-tapes chronicling his adventures. That’s always a good thing, when you keep a record of your past exploits. It’s like baseball cards, only they have STD’s and don’t appreciate in value over the years.
But the kicker? The rumor that Sandra Bullock makes an appearance in one of these tapes. Making Nazi salutes and getting a “dirty sanchez” from JJ. Now any reasonable person can ascertain that it’s a bunch of ho-hum random lies strung together by the internet, but for some reason it’s still perpetuated.
Come to think of it, if Sandra Bullock starred in a dirty sanchez porn directly after doing The Blind Side, it would be one of the most courageous career moves in Hollywood history. One that I wouldn’t approve of, but could enjoy from a distance.
But it’s a bunch of horse hockey. Bullock has denied it. But if a poop-smeared Sandra Bullock sex tape ever makes its way on the interwebs, rest assured, we will have a review.
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