Reports indicate that teen pregnancy and birth rates have dropped two percent from a recent spike in teen pregnancies that had government officials worried. Government officials are gladdened by the drop in teen pregnancy and site a number of reasons for the decline including, “teenagers just aren’t as attractive as they used to be, more teenagers are living on the second floor so it’s harder for their boyfriends to sneak in their windows,” and by far the most common explanation, “Pulling out now works.”
“I used to get pregnant two or three times a week,” said Jennifer, a teenager, “now I rarely, if ever, get pregnant.”
“Ever since I got my promise ring I’ve been doing it anally, so that I’m still a virgin until I’m married,” said Lily, a Christian teen who is wrong about that, but should not be corrected.
Stories like this are popping up all over the country. And as long as teenagers continue to have sex less, or have sex in the wrong parts of their bodies, the birth rate among teenagers is going to decrease. Lower teenage birth rates lead to all sorts of benefits for society. Teenagers who aren’t pregnant are more likely to graduate from High School, go to college, get drunk at a party where they then make mistakes they’ll later regret, and become property owners as adults.
Another important contributing factor is that Matthew Mcconaughey’s character from Dazed and Confused has finally been arrested. Officers reported that he was easy to detain, and totally awesome to hang out with.
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