Charlie Sheen has long been known for his ability to continue be on the show “Two And A Half Men”. Before that he had the ability to be in “Wall Street”, “Platoon”, and the multiple Academy Award winning “Hot Shots: Part Deux!”. Now Charlie Sheen may no longer be on “Two And A Half Men”, no matter, I say. For Charlie Sheen has lots of abilities besides being able to be on that show. So rather than mourn the loss of Charlie Sheen on what God has referred to as “My Way Of Fucking With You Guys”, we should celebrate his ability to do other things. Here below is a list of of just some of the things Charlie Sheen could easily do besides being on “Two And A Half Men.”
1. Wander aimlessly around a Goodwill: Charlie Sheen would definitely be capable of waking up early, eating a half-eaten old piece of pizza stuck to the couch, polishing off the Whiskey he didn’t drink the night before, and then spending the rest of the day wandering around a Goodwill looking disheveled. He could run his hands through his hair and look around, looking back down whenever he connected looks with someone, and then pick up a broken phone, stare at it for a while, then put it back down and continue wandering.
2. Try to convince CBS to pick up a new pilot he wrote called “Three Men And Two Halves Of A Man,” which is a sitcom following the adventures of Three adult bachelors and two children: And when the CBS executives reply, “This seems a lot like ‘Two And A Half Men’, but with more men and children,” Charlie could smile and nod knowingly and say, “Exactly.”
3. Spill Hot Coffee On Himself And Sue Burger King: Charlie Sheen has very weak, flammable skin, as a recent Harvard Study indicates. It would be very advantageous then for him to try to take advantage of this physical handicap and make some serious money off of Burger King. When the Burger King lawyers tried to argue that the coffee wasn’t that hot, he could retort, “But my whole arm erupted in a sea of flame!” And then, after winning the lawsuit, he could roll around in his millions, before spending them on hair care products, which he can’t seem to get enough of.
4. Donate Semen: Now, most clinics that take semen won’t take Charlie’s semen anymore, ever since he walked into a clinic in Los Angeles last year and started masturbating in the middle of filling out the questionnaire. So he’ll have to go through back alley places to spill and sell his seed. But it will combine his dual favorite hobbies of masturbating in front of a stranger and getting paid to do so.
5. Stand Outside of Oliver Stone’s Mansion And Shout Angrily Up At Oliver’s Bedroom Window…… That Shia Labeouf Is No Charlie Sheen: Oliver Stone chose to cast Shia rather than Charlie as the young protege of Gordon Gecko in the new Wall Street sequel. So what better time for Charlie to complain about that choice than after not being on “Two And A Half Men.” When Oliver shouts down for Charlie to leave or he’ll call the police, Charlie can then retort, “Fine! I’ll leave! But I just wanted… you to know that… listen. Can I borrow some of your food? I really could use some of that food of yours.”
Comments
No comments.