The good folks at Den of Geek have gifted us with a list of 75 movies that are in the planning or production stages. All of these movies are remakes, reboots, or reimaginings, depending on your preference for nomenclature. As far as I know, this list is legit. Let’s take a look:
Notable standouts from this article: “Alien” — really, Ridley Scott? Really? What can even you do to make this anything more than a straight-up monster flick? Part of the terror of the original was in its biological horror; the sheer gut-clenching nastiness of that facehugger shoving its egg down Nash’s throat, the chest-bursting scene, etc. Cinema has since gone so far beyond that it would be difficult to match it. Also, the original Alien design is by now so iconic and copied that giving an audience more of the same would be yawn-inducing, and trying to come up with a completely new design — well, let’s just say I’m skeptical.
“Barbarella” — ehnh. In the 70’s the future looked psychedelic. These days, it’s grim and gritty. I don’t think you can pull off the kind of innocent goofiness that typifies the Barbarella ethos, but hey, it’ll be fun to see them try.
“The Black Hole” — sssssure, this could work. I can’t remember the last time Hollywood did anything with a black hole in it, and I’ve always found the very idea of one terrifying. I loved the original; it had a weird, dark tone to it that the prepubescent me found extremely appealing. For this to work, I think they’d have to focus on both the hard science of black hole physics, and the metaphysical aspect of what lies on the other side. And yes, if it’s in 3D, that might be okay.
“Bourne” — Too soon, Hollywood.
“The Crow” — Too unnecessary. Well, let me rephrase that. In a world where Juggalos exist, what’s so special about a dude who paints his face black and white? I think of this franchise the way I do the “Highlander” franchise. While in a theater once, long ago, the trailer for “Highlander: The Source” came on screen. When the narration reached the inevitable point where someone says “There can be only one”, someone in the audience shouted out “There should have BEEN only one!” And there you go. Actually, you can apply that to most of the movies on this list.
“Dune” — If this movie can wash out the taste of the Syfy remake, then I’m all for it. No matter what it turns out to be.
“Flash Gordon” — Maybe. If they’re smart, they’ll keep the Queen theme song.
“Gilligan’s Island” — what the hell? That premise only works if it’s a tv show, where each week you see the castaways make a new attempt to get off the island. As a movie, I can’t see it meaning anything at all.
“Hawai’i Five-O” — this hasn’t happened already?
“The Howling” — hell yeah, PLEASE give me more good werewolf fiction already. Give me the guy who did “Dog Soldiers”, I’m on-board.
“Monster Squad” — We are poised to bring back the word “nards” to the public.
“The Phantom Tollbooth” — I’m a huge fan of the book; just read it to my 6 year old son, actually. This could be a fantastic 3D animated flick. I’m a little concerned that all the literary and grammatical puns might not translate that well to screen, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t try.
“The Shadow” — Hmmm. I don’t know. Intriguing enough, but who’s alive today who remembers the radio plays, and would be interested in another attempt on this?
“The Warriors” — It’s been long enough now that I think someone could update this. At the very least, it would be appropriately messed-up in ways that the original, good as it was, was not.
“Westworld” — Absofriggin’lutely. There’s all sorts of room here for some great satire, “Terminator” jokes, plastic surgery riffs, public figures as robots, etc. This was one of Michael Crichton’s better ideas, and I’m glad to see it make a comeback. So where the hell is the “Coma” remake?
Check out the entire list and be amazed at Hollywood’s idea of innovation. Chime in with the remakes you’d like to see!
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