Political history is rife with awkward moments. Presidential political history is no different. The time George Bush Sr. threw up on the Japanese Prime Minister. The time Richard Nixon sneered for so long his face just stayed that way. The time Bill Clinton got caught eating out every single woman on a double-decker English bus without their consent. The time Harry Truman dropped two atomic bombs on Japan. The time Martin Van Buren caught his beard caught in a cotton gin. The time James K. Polk got drunk and ran around town kicking pigeons until he was arrested. The time Woodrow Wilson was racist for his entire life. The time George Bush Jr. was President.

The Obama administration has done a fairly good job of marketing Barack Obama as a handsome, intelligent, capable man. His Presidency has thus far been light on gaffs, snafus, and embarrassments. That is until recently, when Barack Obama sat down to a private Seder dinner with his family. This is how I imagine it went.

The Obama Family Seder Dinner

by Daniel Dominguez

The Obamas all sit down to a quiet family Seder.

Barack Obama
Alright guys, who wants to say grace?

Michelle Obama
Barack, I don’t think we do that during Seder.

Barack Obama
Michelle, don’t be silly. Seder is a holy time, a special time, and a special time should always begin with
a prayer. I’ll begin, “Dear Jesus, we want to celebrate this special Jewish day by remembering how you are the son of God, the foretold Messiah-”

Michelle Obama
Barack, I really don’t think that’s correct.

Barack Obama
Michelle, how could it not be correct? I’m the President of the United States.

Michelle Obama
I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t come up a lot on Jewish holidays.

Barack Obama
Now, it’s just those kind of accusations that have kept religious intolerance alive all these years-

Michelle Obama
Barack-

Barack Obama
Man, something is wrong with this bread. It’s disgusting. Does anyone have any leavening agents on them? Let’s whip this bread into shape!

Obama Daughter
Whip the bread into shape!

Barack Obama
That’s right dear. Michelle, maybe you should spend less time accusing a great people of ignoring Christ’s divinity and more time passing me those pork chops. I slathered the pork chops in chunks of eight different animals because I love combining meat. I’m a bit of a mensch that way.

At this point an aide walks in and whispers to Barack.

Barack Obama
What? That doesn’t make any sense. Of course I’m Jewish. My whole family is Jewish. Why else would we be celebrating the Seder. Next you’re going to tell me Jewish people don’t like to eat rich leavened bread dipped in a giant cauldron of mixed together meats.

The aide whispers to Obama again.

Barack Obama
Yes, yeah. Mmm Hmm. That makes sense. Crap. I guess we’re not Jewish. Well, this is awkward. Now I wish I hadn’t sent all our Jewish constituents that glowing “Jesus Has Risen” key chain. This is almost as awkward as the time I thought circumcision meant adding foreskin. Sorry again about that Maliyah.

Malia shrugs.

Malia
I just tell the kids at school it’s a really long birthmark.

THE END

(Photo Via: BarackObama.net)

Leave a Reply